Time!

Why does it hurt so bad...

I don't want to be insensitive... but I think I can be.
I want it to be enjoyable. Never anything else.
But I want soo much....

My want is clouding my senses. I have way toooo much time to kill and I am not focusing on anything else.
Now it makes me cry and these tears just won't stop.

I want to pull back but don't want to.
I want to give space but want to be close.
I want to find something that will keep me occupied but I actually don't want to.
I am torn between what I want and what I want!
I want soooo much more!!!! I try to keep my want at check but sometimes I guess it becomes so overwhelming!

All I want is to make you happy and spend more time with you!
Now thats the keyword. Time.... do we have what we want.....

Nymph

What is a nymph... Funny I read this from the urban dictionary "a woman who has the sexual drive of a man"

Why should it be in comparison with a man... is my question. Men can never have the sexual drive that a women has... may be I am a nymph and that is a fact! 

But then when everybody talks about men like they have much more sexual drive and women have less... well they are so fucking wrong... absolutely fucking wrong. 

I have till date never met someone who can match my sexual drive. They always make me want for more and more!!!! 

Oh no, I am not complaining... I only laugh when they say men have more drive cos... sorry to say they can be so limited in their drive compared to what I feel. 

Confidence

Do I have the confidence that my lover will be true to me in a situation if he is left with other hot girls who he flirts with.

The sad fact of the matter is that I dread that thought in my head.

I don't want to be negative about it but unfortunately I am not able to be positive about it as well.

I want him for myself. I want him to be true to me. But I do not think or have the confidence that he would be. For all you know he might be. And I want to believe that from the bottom of my heart. But if I believe in him and he comes and tells me that he wasn't I want to be able to digest it and not react either. The only way I can live through that is if I kill this little emotion in me.

This makes me so sad. Cos, at this point I have so many things that I aspire and want and this may keep me away from him. When I come back, how much of him will actually be mine and only mine. I don't know.

May be I am thinking too much. But that's cos I love him so very much! Can't help but to think. Can't help to also think about what I might lose if I'm not close to him.

We have a great chemistry but this world is made of everyone with the thought of "Dil Mange More"

And absence is the time when you start exploring others. Not to mention if it happens when I'm there... who knows what will happen otherwise.

The other thought is also if he will tell me if anything happens. Well only time will tell. I cannot ever show how I truly feel because the premise of our relationship is different. I am the other person and don't think I have a say in things. I'm a fantasy and never will be the reality!!!

Come to the Point

Now, what I though was the reason for starting this space and what is happening is totally different. Time to shift gears...

Get 

Set 

Go...... 

The Want

What do I want the most!!!

I know what others want... they want my SEX... SEX... in the time and space of their convenience.

What about what I want? The togetherness, the mushy feeling, the possessiveness, the loving feeling... Why am I wanting this when I know its depleting from the world?

There are things I want to talk about at times. There are passions I want to experience. I feel like I'm missing a lot but at the same time don't want to venture for it too... I know you would if you could but you are not able to. I wish for so many things and keep wishing for it.

There are times when I want to break free cos I miss you and I know you will not be able to be there for me they way I want you to be.

You spoiled me into wanting all these things. Now I'm left there... wanting something that does not exist. I compromise and compromise more and more and I know its gonna just not the best thing for me.

The only problem with me is that when I want something so much, I would do anything. But I also have a threshold which will pull me back and make me not feel anymore. Not a phase I like. But it very much exists in me. I am trying and making sure I do not awaken that side of me.

May be I think too much. What is life and who cares what happens. Today its one person. Tomorrow its another. In such a world why do I want you so much and why do I want you to want me so much more... This insatiable want to only want you and knowing that you also are trying to break free from me is kinda hurting me inside. But I am too proud to share it with you.

No matter what I do, you want more... you want everyone else to want you as well... and want them perhaps...

Why am I not like that. I want to let go. I don't want to hold you to me if you want to explore yourself with others. But I'm not able to let go. I want you more and more. I don't want to loose this want I have for you. I know the moment I divert my attention, I can easily move away... But I don't want to.

Why is this want tormenting me so much!!! I will never tell you and you will never know.
May be you want me to also have a life away from you and you want the same. I do know that part is there. But I want you... and want you to want me... n only me! I know... that's the reason I can never tell you this. (It has got nothing to do with the other side of things. That I am clear about. Never ever.) But in this part of the world. I also want this to be natural and not something I say and so the want is there. For this reason, this shall never be spoken of... and it is the one thing that makes me cry... cos, I know I'm one of the many and never will be spoken of as the one you love... from the bottom of your heart!

Wrapped Around

When you know that you have a killer passion towards sex and anyone who has enjoyed with you will just do anything if at all you lift a finger... would you or should you take advantage of that?

I keep hearing this... but not sure if I want to use this charm of mine in any way. I for one, do not want to use this part of myself.

What I see is that, if someone finds out that they have this capability, then they make sure they take advantage in any possible way. I have been told to my face about what I am capable of. Still I refuse to do much about it and let others walk all over me if they want to.

Is it a weakness or a differentiating factor that makes me unique? To be honest, who care if you are unique or true to one person... No one does. But then why am I still like that... What got hard wired to me to be this way? Why do I think doing things the way the world is should not be me and my self nature will go away?

WHY WHY WHY...

Sometimes, the only person I may be hurting is myself. Cos, the people I am with will actually not want me to be all that virtuous. All they want is my body and the enjoyment I give them. So then, why am I making something big out of it.

How do I kill this part of me and do I want to?

A guy who is listing the number of girls he has been with is adored by all.. but when a girl does that she is called by names... when will all this change. But is that what is the problem for me? I don't think so. Its me... just me.

I project myself as something I am not. I want to be carefree and live a life like all.

But my inner self is only for the one true love and forever and ever with no falter. This thing does not exist. When will I ever get that to my brain and be liberated.

Do I have any hope at all....   

Normal

What is normal... wanting more or being satisfied with what you have? In today's world is it possible to be satisfied with what you have... Do people want to? Will boredom set in when that happens.

What is it? The truth behind it?

I don't want to think like that but I do. I want to put my mind to ease but I can't. Why am I thinking so much. Go to sleep... 

Distraction

Would you like to be a distraction?

What do you want to be in life? I am not sure what I want. I know I am a distraction from reality. A fantasy that people look up to. Something that is relaxing and fun to be with. But then what else? Time pass... What else...

I don't see meaning in life. I am not into anything from my heart of hearts... I am not sure what tomorrow holds for me. I have me. But nothing else!

Truth be Told

The most fascinating word, TRUTH. Why does this word seem so tantalizing or why should it not be? Any ideas or guesses...

Well, to me it is cos life does not come with it. It is something over and above. Never easy but always wanted.

It is something that makes you and me feel different or that we have something for ourselves. That edge...

Its more like can it be ever told? I don't know. Let's find out!